- I’d have my childhood home dug up and moved over next to Malcom X’s, so it could be like we were buddies growing up.
- I’d buy Burger King, so I can join him in a political marriage with Dairy Queen, bringing peace to the realm.
- Speaking of Dairy Queen, as a marketing stunt, I’d demonstrate my ability to subsist on nothing but Blizzards for a solid month.
- I’d import a couple hundred kangaroos into southeast Nebraska and let them loose. Nebraska needs its own signature invasive animal. It would be awesome, like the hippos in Columbia.
- You know what? I would make my grand entrance into the annual Berkshire Hathaway gala astride a hippo. Of course it’d let me ride it! Nobody can turn down Warren Buffet!
- I’d also start playing Taylor Swift music at the convention. A LOT OF IT. Maybe I can convince the Swifties to investment in our rich portfolio.
- I would backhand any punks I catch implying that Blizzards are just glorified shakes. They’re so much more, dammit!